


You Were Never Alone

by shoelessmoose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1765049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoelessmoose/pseuds/shoelessmoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sam's death and Castiel's disappearance, Dean searches for meaning in his life. When he sees a news story based out of Lawrence, Kansas, picturing a familiar face, he travels to Lawrence and faces his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Were Never Alone

He found himself beside a wooden cross in the ground, a place that had once marked the grave site of the righteous man, the chosen man. He cursed at the sky as a tear fell from his cheek. Why had he been chosen? He wasn’t righteous. He wasn’t pure. He would never be what the naïve angel expected of him. He touched his arm in that spot that used to scream out the angel’s love for him, but now was clear of any imperfection.

Falling to the ground beside the cross, Dean Winchester’s fists beat into the ground. The gruffness in his voice echoed through the forest as he screamed out. “Damnit! Just give him back! Just give him back to me!” He wiped his brow with the back of his hand in frustration, chewing his lip. He shook his head, his lower lip quivering as he walked away, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Off in the forest his beloved angel was watching him. He was blocked out of his vessel’s body. Jimmy Novak, once a noble vessel of the Lord, had been possessed by a demon when Castiel took a short leave of absence from the body. Although he found a new vessel, he had yet to take the vessel. She was a perky blonde, a good Christian girl, and Castiel knew he would ruin her life if he took her form. Instead he remained micro dimensional. He felt his heart yank, as if on a chain, as Dean turned his back to him. He followed behind the trembling Winchester. He knew all that Dean had been through. He knew Dean better than anyone, maybe even better than Sam had ever known him. Sam, he thought. He shook his head. There had been nothing he could do. He was gone.

Castiel hovered gracefully over the Impala, protecting it as Dean drove from town to town. He had no one – alone in the world. He had made a few allies, other hunters, a few one night stands. He even drove by Lisa’s house a few times, but had never approached her door. He had been right to leave in the first place. This was no life for Lisa or Ben. This was no life for anyone. Dean picked up his usual bottle of liquor before heading to his motel room. It didn’t matter that Sam wasn’t with him, he still always got two queens – just in case.

Castiel watched through the window as the older Winchester drowned his pain in alcohol. Dean, he would say, sending high pitched ringing through his ears. He liked to believe Dean understood him when he spoke in his celestial voice, but deep down, he knew he didn’t. The internal struggle of whether or not to take a new vessel weighed heavy on Castiel’s heart. He wanted Dean to know that he wasn’t alone, but the days were long gone that Castiel was a trusted friend in Dean’s eyes. His people skills may not have been up to par, but even he knew that Dean was unforgiving when he felt betrayed.

A voice flickered through Castiel’s ears. A prayer. It was Lisa. Castiel had tuned into Lisa’s prayers long ago. He always kept an eye on the people that Dean loved. She prayed about Ben and his high school. His grades weren’t doing too well, and he was getting in several fights. She prayed about the bills and about how she picked up a shift at the local bar in town in order to give Ben the life he deserved. She prayed that God would send her someone to take care of her and her son. And then as almost an afterthought, she prayed for Dean, that he was alive and well – and that whatever he was doing, he stayed true to himself.

Castiel was an angel with no emotion, but he felt her pain as she prayed. And he knew her pain well as he stared at the broken man, passed out in the bed, his shoes still laced up – always prepared. He hovered over the bed, noticing the lights flickering just by his presence. He wanted his body back. Dean deserved to know that he still cared. Castiel shut the lights off and he was gone.

In Lawrence, Kansas, Jimmy Novak wandered the streets after dark. He was raping and slaughtering and robbing. He was not himself and he was not Castiel. Instead, his body became the vessel for a powerful demon that had been released from hell at the time that Sam was dragged back to his fiery fate. That demons name was Asag. While Dean nursed his own emotional wounds with alcohol and fits of rage, Asag mated with women and even created demon spawn from the ground. Yet Castiel could do nothing to stop him from defiling his beloved vessel. His only hope was that Dean would wake up out of his death walk and discover the truth.

Breakfast was no longer exciting for the Winchester. He spent his mornings nursing a hangover and then he was on the road, a beer in the wind, first thing in the morning. But that morning was different, when he flipped on the TV and he heard the town “Lawrence, Kansas” ringing in his ears. He glanced at the TV to make eye contact with the drawing of a man, a man whom he knew well. A man that wasn’t truly a man, but an angel. The story echoed in his mind as he threw the car into gear. It was the first lead he had, the closest he had come to finding anyone whom he loved.

His frustration grew within his heart. “Damnit, Cas! What are you doing?” he screamed at the air. His fist hit the steering wheel as he shook his head. He could not understand what he had done to deserve the pain he was feeling. If only he had known that the angel on his shoulder had never left his side. But would he ever know? His chest tightened as he felt the tears cloud his eyes and his throat tighten. “Why did you leave me alone? I didn’t mean it, Cas. I never meant it.”

Castiel rode diligently above the Impala, glad that Dean had finally picked up the right trail. Sure, killing vampires and wendigos was noble, but there was so much worse out there. It wasn’t until they arrived in town that Castiel realized he wasn’t the only angel in town. He immediately sought out to find the angels around. It was Michael.

“Brother,” he spoke from his celestial form. Windows shattered and radio tuners went insane, but Michael heard him loud and clear. He glanced around.

“Show yourself, Castiel.” Castiel made his celestial presence known to his elder. Michael smiled at his baby brother, but it made Castiel feel broken and lost. Michael was the one who had destroyed everything that Castiel had spent so long working to fix and maintain. “What brings you here?” he asked, as if he didn’t know.

“Please, give Sam back. He does not deserve the unjust punishment you have given him. And Dean…” Castiel swallowed hard. Michael just smiled bigger.

“What is the love you have for him, brother?” Castiel spread his wings open as he glared at the archangel. He had every reason to be afraid of Michael, yet the only thing he was afraid of was never being able to touch Dean’s shoulder again. He wanted to be able to reassure the Winchester that he had gripped tight and raised from perdition.

“I just want him to know that he was never alone,” he growled. Michael shook his head and clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You have become too emotionally attached, Castiel. Your time spent as a human has changed you dramatically. You may think that you feel no emotion, but I feel the emotion radiating from you.” Castiel grew angry at Michael’s comments. He shoved against the angel, who was weaker than he was in the vessel he had worn to the showdown so many years ago.

“You’re still wearing Adam, so you’re weaker than I am. Let him go,” Castiel said. He was speaking on so many different levels. Let Adam go. Let Sam go. Let Dean’s heart go. Michael laughed boisterously.

“Castiel, I have been trying to get your vessel back for you. I thought you would want that,” Michael said. But before Castiel could answer the doors busted open and in walked the blue eyed demon. Castiel rushed his old vessel, knocking Asag to the ground. He shoved himself into the vessel. He always had permission, and he would always be allowed in. Inside of Jimmy, Castiel fought Asag, but even he was not strong enough. He looked up at his brother through tear-filled eyes.

“Help me,” he whispered, just before he fell unconscious.

Dean followed the lead through the town. He had just given up and bought his daily bottle of liquor when he heard the sounds of alarms and shattering glass and… well, angelic activity. He rushed toward the warehouse and watched as the glass busted. He ran through the doors, ducking to avoid any shrapnel. That’s when he saw him, lying there on the ground, blue eyes wide open. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up to see Adam. No, not Adam.

“Dean. It is so good to see you again. Both of your brothers send their love,” Michael said, smirking. Dean rushed toward him.

“You son of a bi…” he started. But Michael was quick to knock him on his ass, next to Castiel.

“Ah, ah, ah. Dean, you asked for my help. You brought me back, remember? Now you’ve lost everything,” Michael said. His head tilted to the side. “I thought you wanted this. Vengeance on all of the evil in your life. Lucifer is gone for good. The demons are being taken down one by one. Castiel doesn’t have to feel human pain anymore.” At the mention of Castiel’s name, Dean glanced over at the lifeless body.

“Did you… is he…” Dean choked up, the tears swelling in his eyes and he couldn’t form words. Michael laughed at Dean’s pain. Dean stumbled up to rush at him again, but was forced easily back to the ground.

“Sit down, boy,” Michael snapped. “Your angel is just fine.” Dean cringed at the tone of his voice and the way he spat your angel as if it was an abomination. Maybe it was. Dean shook his head, his tears overflowing.

“I didn’t want this. Just take us back. Take us back to when the angels fell. We’ll fix it ourselves. We’ll make this better.” Michael laughed and shook his head. He leaned over Castiel’s body and touched his forehead.

“Wake up brother,” he whispered. And then he was gone. Castiel sat, disoriented. He looked over at Dean, a tear forming in his eye. His mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. The expression on Dean’s face made Castiel want to die. He would do anything to make the smile of yesterday to spread across his face.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dean asked, finally, gripping Castiel tight to his body. He didn’t let go, just squeezed tighter. He cried onto his shoulder, something he had never given Sammy the chance to feel. Castiel didn’t answer, he just gripped him back, then lifted him to his feet. He placed his hand gently on Dean’s shoulder, like he had so many times before.

“You were never alone,” he whispered. And just like that they were gone. The empty warehouse, stained with tears and shattered glass echoed with the final words. You were never alone.


End file.
